A family of four are in a chalet at a holiday camp. Dad, John, is sitting on a small, slightly battered sofa stage right, rethreading the laces on a pair of his eldest son’s trainers. Hayden, 11, is stood in the corner looking sheepish, holding his other shoe whilst his mum, Carmen flies around the stage. Carmen is packing a large swimming bag with different items strewn around the room, stressed; she also drags a brush through her hair.
JOHN: I bloody told you this would happen, we ain’t gonna get in; once they get to capacity they just don’t let you in.
Carmen passes Hayden, placing a cap on his head and rubbing sun block into his face as he squirms away from her.
CARMEN: For Christ’s sake, can’t you kids cooperate just a little; we’re doing all this for you two you know, I don’t wanna squash my fat arse down that Mega Slide do I?
Five year old, Archie, enters stage left and pulls on his mum’s sundress. Carmen is still busy and flutters around the stage with Archie in tow looking uncomfortable; when he isn’t walking, Archie holds the front of his swim shorts grimacing.
JOHN: What with him and his whinging, Hayden giving me extra little jobs like this at the last bloody minute; what was it this time, did one of your mates do the hundred miles up here on their bike and pull ‘em out? Or was it like that when you found it, or maybe Archie did it?
Hayden goes to open his mouth but is silenced by a wagging finger from his mother, who is now rubbing sun block into Archie’s screwed up face.
CARMEN: It’s always someone else with you Hay so don’t start; get that shoe on at least, will ya? (Becoming aware of Archie) Leave me alone Arch, are you ready or what?
JOHN: Right, take this Hayden now. I’ll text Sissy and Dave and see if they’ll hold our place in line; and I’ve still gotta get my trunks on so we can avoid the changing rooms.
Hayden goes and sits next to his dad, putting on his shoes with a sulky face. Archie crosses to his dad’s other side, tapping him on the shoulder. John brushes him off and tries to concentrate on the text. Archie crosses his legs, contemplating whether he should bother his dad more with his problem; eventually he decides to try his mum again but she barely notices him tapping her back as she bends to look under the dining table.
JOHN: For all we know, they’re already in there; Carmen, do you know where my trunks are then?
CARMEN: (Distractedly) In the bathroom over the bath. Have you seen the arm bands?
ARCHIE: Daddy!? My winky hurts.
CARMEN: He has to have his arm bands or I’ll go mad with worry, hurry up come on; get dressed, will ya?
ARCHIE: MY WINKY HURTS!!!
John stands and grabs one arm band from behind the sofa, passing it to his wife.
JOHN: For God’s sake Archie, which part?
Archie looks at his dad, confused, then boldly states, in a loud sing-song voice:
ARCHIE: All of it! Cos it’s so ti-ny!
They all stop what they’re doing to look at Archie then visibly relax and burst out laughing; Archie’s face breaks into a huge grin as he hops from foot to foot in discomfort. Laughing, Hayden accidentally pulls the string from the waistband of his shorts; silent now, he holds it up looking fearful. His parents notice and stop laughing but after giving him a disapproving look, they all begin to laugh again; Hayden with a look of relief.