Present day. A table in a pub: JEAN 60s, dressed in brightly-coloured clothes and wears a hat covered in plastic fruit. Her dowdy daughter, LISA, 40s, sits next to her. LISA sips a drink in between eyeing her mother. JEAN searches through her shopping bag, pulls out an assortment of fruit and vegetables and places them on the table. After careful consideration, JEAN selects a carrot and uses it to stir the drink in front of her.
LISA: Mother that’s disgusting! What’s wrong with you?
JEAN: Lemonade’s not mixed enough with the advocaat to make a Snowball. Haven’t a clue in here. (JEAN focuses on stirring drink) Was readin’ ‘bout that George Clooney the other day. Hung like a Supremo courgette. Apparently …
LISA: Oh, for God’s sake… Should I put these away? (LISA puts fruit and veg back into JEAN’s bag) Why are you buying so much of it?
JEAN: There was a photo of him. Of George. Think everythin’ had slipped to one side. You know, his Victoria plums and what not.
LISA: You’re obsessed! Is it a reaction to … I mean are you-
JEAN: -sat on a sofa he was. In his villa, I imagine. Had on a lovely suit. (Nudges LISA) He’s eligible you know.
LISA: Out of my league… Everyone’s out of my league.
JEAN: You always do yourself down.
LISA: Don’t tell me you’re thinking of your love life? Already? What about dad?
JEAN: Your dad’s gone, love. And I don’t need you lookin’ after me. Honestly. The pair of you were always plottin’ and whisperin’. I know what you thought…
LISA: And just look at you now! D’you seriously think anyone would be interested in … Either of us?
JEAN: The man who delivers the veg box is. Very interested. In me, I mean. Likes me to, you know … Dress up. (JEAN removes an apple from bag and gives to LISA) Go on. It’s a Discovery.
LISA shrugs. Bites the apple.