Nick and Sam are close friends working as mechanics in Somerset. We find them looking out a small window at their neighbour.
NICK: I wanna break the rules.
SAM: Yeah? How?
NICK: Well, see Mr. Spencer, there? (Gestures) I fixed his lawn mower last week. He’s out there every day now. I wanna mess him up.
SAM: Right, so you’re gonna paint his daffodils black?
NICK: Nope. (Mimics) I wanna sit on the edge of his lawn, start crawling in a straight line while manically ripping out the grass (Sam momentarily amused).
No, think about it – gardening is like a sex pandemic to most old people… they do it uphill, downhill, alone, with other people, with cows around, without cows. (Grins) And I start touching grass. Yeah, I start touching it.
SAM: You start touching it.
NICK: It’d be arousing, confusing and anarchistic.
SAM: What is this? Derren Brown does Alan Titchmarsh?
NICK: I just want to… do something. To someone. Mr Spencer is always too bloody calm and unflustered. I wanna be human. I wanna break someone. (Cautiously looks at Sam) On purpose.
SAM: I forgive you.
NICK: I love you.
SAM: (Leaving) Seven o’clock tomorrow.