ASTRONAUT 1 and ASTRONAUT 2 sit in their spacecraft. A desolate, red landscape is visible out of the cabin porthole.
ASTRO 1: I can’t believe we’re finally here. Another planet. Another world.
ASTRO 2: Bagsy first out.
ASTRO 1: What?
ASTRO 2: I have to get out first, I told my mum I would, she’ll need to know which one to look at, we all look the same in a spacesuit.
ASTRO 1: Are you mad?
ASTRO 2: And I have bigger feet.
ASTRO 1: Why the hell is that relevant?
ASTRO 2: It’s the footprint. Billions of people watching, a size 11’s got to be better than a size 8. Stands to reason.
ASTRO 1: This is outrageous!
And anyway I’m heavier than you, my footprints would be more distinct.
ASTRO 2: Even if you look at it alphabetically, I’m first out.
ASTRO 2 points at self
ASTRO 2 points at ASTRO 1.
ASTRO 1: Not if you count first names. Or what Mission Control call me. Look, let’s settle it the way we did for the top bunk and the last of the Minstrels.
ASTRO 1 and ASTRO 2 play “Rock, Paper, Scissors”. ASTRO 1 wins
ASTRO 2: Arse.